My Story

Its been awhile since I have posted anything. I was home for a few weeks, and with the busy holiday season just haven't been seeking God like I should. Yesterday's sermon by Flick about telling your story really hit home. I know God has and is using my past to reach others, and the trails and sorrow I went through made me into the person I am today. I do wish I would have made better choices but God has changed me, and my old self is gone and I am made new. Here it is truthful as I can get.
Honestly I grew up in a family that was about as loving, and amazing as they come. I was spoiled and loved and I knew that but I still searched for more. I grew up in Church but had no personal relationship with God. I knew what I needed to do to look good and that is about as far as it went. Like many other teenage girls I liked boys and I longed for a boyfriend, so I meet this boy one day that was so charming he swept me off my feet. The relationship started innocent although people tried to warn me of him I said " No he is different with me". The relationship continued in a unhealthy way, words were said to me that were very cruel and I started to believe them. I got bite, pushed, held down, hit but I still stayed around out of fear and confusion. My family tried to ground me from seeing him but I still did. One morning changed it all when I was forced to do something I wanted so badly to save for marriage. I broke inside that day, and he quit talking to me. Through a series of events that relationship ended and he was out of my life. I took it hard and thought no one understood, I was angry at the world and at God for letting this happen. I still was not seeking him but I thought he should have protected me. I began chasing after anything and everything to feel that empty void in my life. After boys, drinking, smoking, and even controlling what I ate I had NOTHING. I was still empty inside and had no where else to turn but God. After years of running from him, and making mistake after mistake I had nothing else. God began working in me my second year of college, I was going to church and trying to make the right decisions. I had dropped a lot of old friends that were not helping my walk so I had no friends in Edmond. After a year of seeking him, and trying to make the right choices I still had no friends. I was mad! How could he do this to me, I was doing what he wanted right? No, I quickly learned that I was still a luke warm Christian, and God was not just going to bring friends to my door without me making some effort. So I did, I put myself out there and he blessed me with good friends for that time in my life. I was blessed, but still had not given complete surrender over to him. I got in another relationship that although we tried Christ was not the center because we had no personal relationship with him. After that ended and although I was hurt God changed me in the biggest way possible. I can't even begin to tell you how God worked in those few short months but it was huge. He truly opened my eyes to his love, forgiveness, and plan for my life. I started to see what he really wanted for us as Christian, that he wants us to be radical. I had been so surround with the things of this world for so long I did not see how it had been effecting me. God is still working in me and he will forever but he changed me. His love saved me, I find so much more joy out of doing things for him than doing things for this world. He gave us the best gift of all, he sent his beloved son to die for our sins and all he asks is that we love him. I pray that each one of you see just how much God loves us, and asks for all of us not because he is selfish but because he knows what is best for us.